I think our Community was fortunate to have Ashley Merryman travel to Twin Falls to present information from her recent book NurtureShock. My husband and I felt privileged to participate in the conference. Ashley Merryman has an effective presentation style. Not only does she recall all of the details of numerous research studies, but she can deliver the information in easily digestible terms and with a sense of humor.
I really appreciated her information on the scientific definition of creativity and why it is imperative that we foster creativity in our children. I found the information on children/adult sleep requirements and the ramifications of sleep deprivation compelling. The information she presented on praise gave me pause and has definitely sent me on a search to educate myself further on this topic.
I am grateful to Jennifer and the members of SRAEYC for bringing quality presenters to Twin Falls and for selecting powerful and timely topics.
Jodi Thiel
Preschool and Toddler Parent
NURTURESHOCK is, quite simply, a book that every human being should read. Why? Because it’s about us. How we develop. Why we behave in certain ways. You don’t have to be a parent to read this book. One thing we all have in common is that we were children. One of the great results of reading NURTURESHOCK is a deeper understanding of our own development.
On October 1, 2010 the community of Twin Falls was fortunate enough to host The NutureShock tour with coauthor Ashley Merryman as the keynote speaker. She spoke gracefully about the chapters in NutureShock including how to effectively praise and motivate kids; why aggression occurs and how to respond to it; how gifted programs often miss the best kids; why getting more sleep can change a child’s future; what kids understand about honesty, fairness and gratitude; and how to develop a child’s self-control at home and at school.---Brandy Lowe, Toddler Parent and Toddler Lab Assistant.
Moving Past Praise Review
Moving Past Praise is a wonderful, eye-opening twenty five minute video informative not only for someone in Early Childhood Education, but for a parent as well. I popped the disc in my DVD player and watched the first few minutes with undivided attention. My brain soon clouded with confusion as I learned the term Praise vs. Encouragement. Moving Past Praise made me reminisce back to my own childhood years. Years filled with constant praise from my parents, grandparents, teachers, and strangers alike. I was a great student who excelled in all my extracurricular activities. However, looking back on it now, as a child and also as a teen, I was terrified to try anything new or do something out of my ordinary. Why? Fear of failure? What is it that makes children scared to fail? It’s not a bad thing to try something new and not immediately succeed. Is this not the way we learn and experience life? Could it be detrimental to our children’s self worth constantly telling them “Wow great job!” or “You’re so smart” ? Possibly yes. As parents and teachers how can we help our children achieve the ultimate goal of being the source of his or her own approval? Moving Past Praise emphasizes that we must break the bad habit of praise, and learn a new way of guiding our children through the thoughtful process of encouragement.
Praising a child is never intended to harm their self worth; as the person giving the praise we’re trying to help the child understand how great they are or how great they did at something. Taking a step back and really thinking about it, by telling a child how smart they are or how beautiful they look is really a judgment on our part. It completely strips away the self in self worth.
Here are a few examples of the unintended effects of praise as highlighted in Moving Past Praise:
1. Lessens self motivation, which discourages problem solving.
2. Discourages risk taking.
3. Makes children dependent on adults for approval.
4. Takes away the child’s power to evaluate their own work.
5. Causes anger and resentment when used to manage or manipulate.
Beth Marshall High Scope Director of Demonstration elaborates on the unintended effects of praise. “Praise can lessen motivation. When children are constantly praised for performing tasks they may be less likely to try new ideas beyond what they already know they can do. If constantly praised for their work they may be afraid to challenge themselves. They may think to themselves, “what if I won’t be complimented on my new idea?”or worse “what if I am criticized for the choices I make”. Saying “good job” to a child is unintentionally stifling their motivation for excelling. A child may be scared to attempt a problem because they may fail and will no longer be doing a “good job”. Or they feel they don’t need to solve a problem they face because they have already, again, done a “good job”.” Judgmental praise takes away from the child figuring out on his or her own how well they are doing. As adults we need to reduce the use of direct praise statements in our vocabulary. If that is too hard in the beginning, descriptive statements can be added to praise to clarify a comment for the child. Again, the ultimate goal is for the child to be the source of his or her own(evaluation) approval. So how do we begin this process? We need to take an internal inventory of our adult selves and take the empty praise judgments out and permanently replace it with something more meaningful.
Here is a list of encouragement strategies:
1. Participate in child’s play. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, especially to a child. When interacting with children imitate their actions, and ask questions of how they got through the process or how they came up with a certain idea. For example, “Tell me how you created the purple paint.”
2. Encourage children to describe their efforts, ideas, and products. Ask open ended questions that do not have a predetermined correct answer. Be genuine in opening up a true dialogue with the child. Such as, “I wonder what will happen if…”
3. Acknowledge children’s work and ideas by making nonjudgmental descriptive comments. “You and John worked together, cooperatively, and the blocks got put away so quickly.”
In conclusion, yes this is a tricky thing to grasp, because praise is so deeply instilled in all of us. For myself as a parent learning to move past praise, I feel like I am trying to learn a second language. However, I want my daughter to grow up feeling confident about who she, not because I told her so, but because she has followed that path with only my guidance. Praise has become a nearly archaic form of boosting our children’s self worth. Let us trust them to figure it out for themselves, all they need is our encouragement. Please feel free to contact your CSI ECE staff if you have any questions or comments. Moving Past Praise is available for check out at the Toddler and Preschool. I highly recommend this video.
Thank you,
Brandy Lowe
Toddler Parent
Parent Resource Lab Assistant
Thank you for sharing your review of Praise vs. Encouragement and our Nurture Shock Conference. It is hard for us as parents to get our heads around this idea of encouraging children. Praise means to “give approval”. We know that children look to their parents for approval. That is right and appropriate! What has happened is that parents have forgotten the responsibility of the interaction. As adults we need to always be honest in our interactions with children. Children know when adults are lying to them, trying to manipulate them and are not sincere in responding. How did “Good Job” come to be the only words that adults use to give approval? Remember, young children understand words in a very literal way. They might ask us, “What is a good job?” It would be so much better for parents to say, “Thank you for painting that picture, while Mom was talking on the phone.” This specific language lets the child know what they did right! This statement also allows children to judge their own creativity. Even young children know when they have created the best picture in the world. Let them tell you! Children also know when they didn’t work very hard at something. Parents must be very careful not to reinforce this lack of effort. Research shows that children respond to insincere praise in two ways. They will become either apathetic or feel that they are entitled to constant adult approval. Children grow up to be adults, and they bring their self esteem or lack thereof with them.
We have the book Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman available for parents to checkout at both of the lab schools. If you would like to hear Po Bronson discuss his struggle with learning how to appropriately encourage his children, follow the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaxAlbNNbJM
Ellen Neff, M. Ed.
Early Childhood Education
College of Southern Idaho
